How to make me worry:
1. Sit next to me while I'm sitting at the computer.
2. Say "I need to talk to you.
3. Read my post and did not answer.

I half-shaved one leg: I do not want to do it.

Half of me wants to be physically active person, and the other half is this: "No, son," and how can I argue with that?

- I asked my mom how she met my dad, and she said she was at a basketball game in college this guy was distracted and got the ball in the face, and he had a swollen nose covered in blood, and he came up to her after the game and said, "I was distracted by you" with blood all over his face and shirt
- I asked my dad and he said "my friend has promised to give me 10 bucks if I invite a girl out on a date with a broken nose, and she would say yes"

This is okay - to have acne.
This is okay - to have stretch marks.
This is okay - have scars.
It's okay - if you do not have the distance between the thighs.
It's okay - if you by nature is the distance between the thighs.
This is okay - to be sad.
This is okay - to be happy.
This is okay - to be evil.
This is okay - to be proud.
This is okay - to be chubby.
This is okay - to be thin.
This is okay,l- have dimples.
That's okay, because you - it's you, and you are a human.

Harry in each book: all that time you knew and did not tell me?
Dumbledore in each book: lol, ya.

That awkward moment when you like a teacher, whom everyone hates.

Pros and cons to be my friend:

Cons:
• I'm asshole.

Pros:
• I am your asshole.

The most horrifying thing is to wear a skirt - this is what you have to straighten it every 5 seconds, because your fucking backpack all the time crushes it up, exposing your ass show.

Maybe the reason why I'm still alone, that I never went to a Christmas party at a ski resort and sang karaoke with a perfect stranger.

I say "sorry" but it means "a dick you and your friends, hell, stand in the middle of the corridor and prevent all pass, that in the garbage, freak"

Me: * smiling, looking at the phone *
Mom: man? Me:
a fanfic

I just casually said "in this series" instead of "Today."

When I finally will have sex:
Some guy: Well, I know you're a virgin, so most likely, you know very little about ...
Me: No, I read fanfiction, I understand

Do not be that person who leaves a secret from the rest of the group that he was bitten by a zombie.

Can I go to that part of my life in which I covered in tattoos, working on the job of their dreams, travels and is married to the girl I love.

Someone: your pet fat. Dog lover: WHAT? How dare you call my dog ​​fat? What you knew he had 100 pounds of pure muscle. Ailurophile: haha, yeah.

Rate my face on a scale from 10 to 10.

Is not it true, it would be cool to not be nervous about everything all the time

I do not use condoms;)

Not because I like to practice unsafe sex, but because I have never had sex.

If my dog ​​wants me to be paid attention to her, she quickly starts to lick the mute button on my laptop, so the music is turned off, and I begin to caress her.

I wish I had a small toilet and a sink in the corner of my room, so I did not have long to go to the bathroom.

English class we had to fill in the table and write how many hours we spend at the computer or TV, what we are doing and why, and my friend looked at me and said, "most likely you should be a little lie."

Why are tickets to good concerts gets bad people?

Did you know that the criticism of my musical taste increases the chances that I change my mind, to 0%.

You know why I love AU? Because their whole point is that everything has changed, and the two men would still have to meet and fall in love - so they are fixed and must be such that you could change anything in the hundreds of different universes, and they will fall in love again again.

Imagine that right before going to sleep, you are provided three announcements again, and you can choose what you want to watch a dream that night.

Sleep is my element

In the dream, I have a more realistic all, a lot of money,popular girls so much. But life is almost the opposite. Now I understand why I love to sleep.

- Have you ever sat in a room other and wondered how many times they masturbated to the point where you're sitting?
- No, but now I will, and it's all your fault.

I've never run on their own, so if you see me running, then you also have to run, because something is approaching.

My favorite things in history - that's what everyone was trying to grab a Russian, but "Russian winter" would find surprise.

Look, if I write poems, short stories or draw comics, it does not mean that I'm going to paint the wall newspaper to school and write scripts to every fucking school holidays.

when you discover new music and it feels like you found Jesus

two friends[History]

Alice and Kate, itna girl friends, and then looked at his watch.
"Well, is it time?
- No need to wait for exactly three hours, so it was written in that book!
- Candles and you took?
- All took. And candles and matches. And even diaper picked specially for you, you still just can't stand it fear! Haha!
- Fool!
"Okay, no offense. And your parents will not return?
- Nah, they will be only in the morning, they are at the cottage!
"That's right! It will be damn cool and scary!
- No doubt!
By the way, in less than 5 minutes, let's all prepare!

Katya took the prepared bag with everything you need and turned on the light, went into the bathroom. Alice followed her. Girls, giggling and having fun, lit the two candles that were placed on both sides of the mirror. Then opened the book, setting it so that it was visible text. Kate stuck his hand into the corridor, switch off, put a bathroom in the darkness. Candles were reflected in the mirror, and there was a feeling that they are not two, but four. The light was dim, but the text was not difficult. "We need to hold hands," he whispered Alice and grabbed the girlfriend. That surprises started. Now, being in this, proberaum to the marrow of the bones, horrible room, had to laugh. But each wanted to seem bold and mind no one gave. Not loud, unison, they began to read their text books.

Text in Latin was given crooked and out of place, though it was written in Russian characters. About five minutes left in girls that would read the text to the end. After... hung deathly silence. Girlfriend tried not to breathe, not to give his excitement. Despite the confined space, in the air, something swayed and the flames began to tremble. "It's you, I know! Don't breathe!" - hissed Alice. "Nothing like that, I generally farther from the mirror than you do, so don't lie! Are you blowing on them!" - defensively, whispered Kate. Something clicked behind girls in the area of washing machines. Girlfriends, pale as a sheet of paper, looked at each other, and then slowly turned in the direction whence came the sound. Something clicked again and... servatives bright light, vibrated and played the melody Alisin phone.

A crazy combination of Katinig of wild squeals and laughter of her friends broke out all over the apartment. "Fool! What are you stupid! I almost pants are not done!!!" - oral Katerina. Alice, in response, holding his hands over his stomach and cackling, came out of the bathroom, turned on the light and crawled to bed. "I'll never forgive you!" Do you hear, never!". But the girl was still hysterical laughter lasted probably 10 minutes and then she was able to calm down.
Ybravshis in the bathroom, the girls have gone to bed. It was already almost 4 hours and I wildly to sleep. Poboltau another 5 minutes, then put out the lamp, they finally fell asleep.

"Katya! Caaat!" - the agitated voice of a friend took a girl from sweet dream "Katia, you only don't be scared okay? it seems, in the apartment of someone is." "Oh, you again with his jokes, leave me alone, let me sleep!" - gurgled in response, and, putting his head under the pillow, turned over to the other side. "I'm serious, I heard someone's steps! Katia! What a fool! I will have a look, and you can continue to be such a fool!" - Alice got up from the bed and went out into the corridor. Kate, not wanting to finally Wake up, decided not to pay attention to the antics of his girlfriend, and fell into sleep.

Not having time to sleep, she felt that Alice has returned, and somehow not allure crashed into the bed, lay down beside her. "Well, no ghosts?" "she asked. In response, nothing happened, but she was too tired and too wanted to sleep, so after 30 seconds, finally fell into the abyss of dreams.
"Girls! Are you still sleeping? Well, you give! Get up!" from the corridor sounded the voice Kalinago father. The daughter jumped up from the bed and without even glancing at her friend, shouting: "get Up, parents are back!", ran out into the corridor. "Where's Alice?" her mother asked. "Yes there is it, later we went yesterday...". "Again caused their ghosts? You crazy!" - my mother was clearly in a good mood. She, having taken off their shoes and throwing off her coat, went into the room of his daughter.

Hysterical woman scream rang through the apartment. Kate, startled in surprise, he looked at his father, who immediately rushed into the room to his wife. Kate stood and, scared out of her eyes, watched the end of the corridor where he had left her parents. Father, pale and with a huge sparkling eyes went out of the room first. "Katya. What happened?" - in a trembling voice he asked. "I mean, daddy? I don't understand!" already crying replied Kate. "On his boots and wear a jacket, we're leaving." the father walked into the room, and came back with his wife, who was unconscious. The girl cried and tried to get some explanation. The father did not pay any attention to her. Already almost reached the entrance, she suddenly drew back his hand of the father, which he held it, moving it out of the apartment, turned around and ran to his room. Father, screaming sarichev that she would not come in, ran for his daughter, but did not. The girl opened the door, ran inside. "Alice?" - in a whisper she said.

That was the last thing she said in her life. From what I have seen, she was sort of a shock that before the end of his days it is no more to be said. The body of her girlfriends, all in blood, lay on the bed. Eyes stuck two candles. His mouth was torn, and from it protruded the same book. All arms and legs were broken. Belly ripped open, guts scattered around. On the wall, blood, were the words are written in Latin, those that have read the girls of that fateful night.

Open the door to me![history]

I don't know who you are, and what is your name, but listen to me - if you ever hear someone you have in the yard bursts in the door - whether yours or a neighbor and screaming rough male voice: "open the Door to me!" - know that you have to collect things and flee. Run to the other end of the city, and perhaps in another city, even other country and pray, pray who want Christ, the Buddha, the awakened, that it is not pulled.

Better yet, make yourself a pet - cat, dog, fish, Yes even Brazilian tarantula! The main thing is that your house was some kind of an animal it will be able to warn you about his approach. I had an aquarium with goldfish and collie named Jackson, but I failed to understand what it meant their strange death.

First Jackson was a strange feeling to lead - couldn't sit still all the time asked to walk, and on the street wanted to get out and run. The fish died as soon as the dog started to go crazy. Nothing sinister in this I saw - well, dead fish and dead. Send her corpse to understand the secrets of the city sewer - and that's it. And the dog probably just a playful mood, which will be held in a couple of days.

But neither in a couple of days or a week Jackson was not reassured, but only became more noisy. He constantly whined, especially at night, wanted to escape from the apartment and generally away from our yard. On walks I began to notice that the same thing is happening with dogs some of my neighbors. And there was another oddity - even in the summer, the birds have disappeared from the yard. No songs of sparrows or crows croak, neither this idiotic sound which emits pigeons. The end of all this animal madness became one interesting procession that occurred in my yard. I opened the door into the entrance - and thank God that I never went in there immediately, because there ran out a system of rats. They probably had about hundreds and hundreds of dark brown shaggy Taurus, with nasty hairless tails, issuing a nasty squeak.

Jackson went crazy for about a week, then his behavior has been rotated one hundred eighty degrees - restlessness gave way to apathy, and my dog spent all day and night on his couch. He almost stopped eating, and I have already decided to take him to the vet this weekend, but, on returning home one day after work, I found the dog dead.

Poor Jackson lived with me for five years now, and I was terribly saddened by his death. I realized that this happened because of some disease - that's why he's so weird behaved, and felt guilty.

All the animals that could have left our yard, and those that were not preferred to die. Could the impression that we were all coming evil thing, and beasts felt it. But man - topasia animal, and none of the people in our yard did not feel the approaching storm, and she meanwhile was ready to burst.

Its beginning had on a warm June Friday. Was about twelve, and I was just laying in bed, still unable to sleep, when suddenly from the street came a wild roar and shout: "open the Door to me!". Apparently, not opened, and the knocking was repeated again. Then came another cry: "I schA open!" - then there was a long rough Mat. Quarreled two snapper - well and what? So I thought, falling asleep and hoping that the sounds of their fighting will not interfere with my sleep.

In the morning, going to the store for bread, I saw standing in the courtyard of an ambulance. Thinking that someone became ill, I went on. Later, however, I learned that nobody was bad - just at the entrance, found the corpse. Lost was Valentin Petrovich, a man forty years old, who lived next door. As it turned out, he had gathered the previous night's "open door", why, and went out of the house. His wife on Thursday went to the country, so there was no one to worry about the fact that he does not return. Traces of the fight was detected, and Valentin Petrovich died of a heart attack. No witnesses were not found - our yard is big enough, and the lack of benches and nepokorennoy Playground, Friday evening, few people going in our yard to drink beer.

Two days later at night, I woke to the roar and shout: "open the Door to me!". "Well, Yes, again, someone forgot the keys, what mystery?" I tried to soothe myself, trying to sleep. In the wee hours I woke up from a tormenting thirst and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. The open Windows and lives on the first floor I could hear almost everything that was happening at the time on the street. The noise caught my attention and opened some curtains, I looked outside. There I saw that the next door is a police car, and Ministers of the law ask the people in bathrobes and Slippers. I quickly realized that it was the residents of the first floor, which somehow ran outside of his apartment. After talking the next day about it with a neighbor, I learned that in the next entrance on the first floor was done hacking. At night, the neighbors were awakened by a thunderous crash and the whole crowd came out to the landing. A door in one of the apartments was broken. Jamb has long needed repair and door replacement, so it was not a great obstacle in the way of robbers.

One brave man decided to go inside, but in horror and ran out of there screaming, followed by all the neighbours ran out of the entrance. Until the arrival of the police people were afraid to go to the entrance, and that poor fellow that decided to go into the apartment, sat silently on the sidelines. Even the police could not talk to him. The same is not found in the apartment nothing - no blood, no corpses, neither of the owners themselves. Those disappeared, although all the neighbors argued that the young family that lived in this apartment, I'd never left. "Mystery!" - I thought, and not reacted to this story seriously, though somewhere inside of me there is already a concern.

Three days after this, I was again awakened in the night, this time by a call to the intercom. Cursing the light, I walked to the tube.

- Yes? "I said sleepily.

"Sorry to have woken up and started low male voice - but I lost the key to his intercom, please...

I have not listened to it, and hung up. You never know what the addict wanted to get to our entrance to sirotica or to Rob someone. But the call was immediately repeated, and I had to turn the sound off to sleep normally.

I returned to bed, when suddenly I heard from the street crying: "open the Door to me!". Now this creepy visitor groaned in my doorway. I immediately checked the facts and realized what I could end this night if I let him, and the first wave of fear swept crawl on my back. I tried to reassure myself that my front door is too strong to break, so even if this crazy someone and put anything he couldn't do for me to do.

The cry was repeated again and again, followed by a loud knock at the door. At first I didn't understand why nobody went to see this man, but then remembered who dared to enter Valentina p. and realized that people keep the memory of this incident.

Ten minutes I was lying on my bed, covered his head, hoping that this maniac is gone. Suddenly I made a strange and frightening thought that breaking into the entrance now not man - how else to explain the strange death of Valentin Petrovich and the disappearance of the family? Yes and would not have enough forces one person to break the door, even flimsy.

And suddenly the fact that so zealously rushed to the door, knocked on my window and began to speak to me. It was incredibly scary if some intelligent monster quietly came to your apartment.

"Hey, you! - I heard a male voice. "I know you're there, lying down, turning the blanket, I hope I don't get it. Ha! You are mistaken - I will come tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, so until then, until you get to the entrance. If I will not be so, then find another way. So let me go, don't complicate both of us life.

I tried to cover my ears not to hear that voice. There was something inexpressibly horrible that he was talking to me.

That night I never slept. While this creature was still broke in the door, but then left. In the morning I immediately Packed up and moved to her parents. Have I spent three good night, and then again I heard this horrible scream.

For the last month I have changed several places of residence I lived with friends and relatives and did not stay more than a week. Nobody could understand this running around the apartments. I was told that there is nothing special in the fact that some drunk pounding on the door, demanding that he be allowed to go, but I knew what it was!

Recently my pursuer changed the methodology. He no longer had full nights in the door, and acted more gracefully. I began receiving letters as regular mail and e, where I was invited to attend various events. Yes, of course - does anyone in their right mind would invite me to the book fair opening on the site of an abandoned factory or on a motor show in country woods?.. I quickly realized that Mohammed decided to wait for the mount itself will come to him. Well, let it be so. Maybe soon he will change tactics, and then I will have no choice but to go straight into the paws.

I don't know what it is, and why he needs it I. I think there is something like the harvest. Apparently, this creature need certain people, for the sake of which he will not stop before anything.

Now, after reading my story, I hope you will know what to do, when all the animals will disappear from your yard and at night you will hear the cry of requiring to open the door.

Webcam: Correspondence of death[History]

day 1 - Monday.

Stranger wants to add you as a friend
Stranger added to your contact list

Stranger: Hey babe, let's get acquainted ?

Anny: Hey, why not, Anya :)

Stranger: Very nice, Michael

Stranger: Where is the learning ?

Anny: the Institute of State and municipal management. Fifth year already :)

Anny: And you ?

Stranger: And I am a surgeon)))

Anny: what do you mean ?

Stranger: In the literal sense, just the surgeon. Such work;)

Anny: Ahaha, well, I actually know this.

Stranger: Well, you see)

Anny: Come on webcam chat ?

Stranger: Come On

Anny: Call

Anny: AAEM why I don't see you ?

Stranger: My webca broken , and you're beautiful )

Anny: Thanks , well once broken so broken, but you will be me videto listen I have to run already , I'm on a pair of late, yet !)))

Stranger: until))))

Anny came out of network
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 2 - Tuesday.

Anny online

Stranger: Hi Anya )

Anny: Hello)))

Stranger: How are you doing ? How were the couple ?

Anny: Yes kind of not bad, soon exams will begin another training very tired early...

Stranger: Mmmm you're still fond of sports ?

Anny: yeah, already 12 years old doing gymnastics :)

Stranger: TOC wow

Anny: Yeah here now, and you yourself are fond of sports ?

Stranger: Well, except that little bit...

Anny: Clearly, I'll be gone for a couple of minutes, just me on the telephone.

Stranger: Good

Anny: Well, I'm here, now she is called,my classmate , was asked about the record book :)

Stranger: I Understand, your friend probably often you calls and asks you about the grade book ?

Anny: Ahaha well, almost always

Anny: Wait, AA, how do you know that she often asks me about a grade book ?

Stranger came out of network
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 3-Wednesday.

Stranger in the network

Stranger: Hey,what are you doing ?

Anny: hi, I'm sitting at home soon go to the cinema

Stranger: Hmm, isn't that a beautiful girl will go to the cinema alone ?

Anny: Nooo not one of course, for me, my boyfriend will come, Max.

Stranger: And what movie are you going to go ?

Anny: Yes figs knows, as always, to the horror of what nebody constantly get these scary movies, like to watch nothing more, PF.

Stranger: Don't you like horror movies ?

Anny: Yeah, nuuuu, personally I do not have((

Stranger: But why,there is always an interesting story, especially when the killer was never caught, isn't it cool ?

Anny: Damn, Fig knows, who as :)))))

Anny: Well all I ran, Max already under the window flashing, yet)

Stranger: Not Yet.

Anny came out of network
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day 4-Thursday.

Anny online

Stranger: hi, how was your day yesterday ? As the movie ?

Anny: hi, Yes everything is fine, went yesterday to the movie "Death on the network" pfff such hogwash, there about how one girl was constantly calling to all on webcam and came across one murder which was filmed through a camera built into the laptop. Eventually killers as always not caught. Max liked it but not for me, well, utter nonsense...

Stranger: Hmm, I was watching too. I liked it, today I will review the movie " My bloody Valentine ", I trudge on such films.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anny: Clearly, listen throw me your picture,and then you see me and I'm not, that's not fair :)

Stranger: Catch.

Photo.jpg
The pot file to a contact Anny
The file is sent

Anny: you face is blurry on the picture, or rather its not visible...

Stranger: Well, do you imagine that I have no face.

Anny: Ahaha, well you got jokes , okay))))

Stranger: by the Way, cool car at your guy.

Anny: Yeah duck still, BMW X6 , it never imagine nothing fails, and Yes me too :))

Anny: So, wait. How do you know that my guy cool car ???

Stranger came out of network
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 5-Friday.

Stranger in the network

Stranger: hi there,have you attended today ?

Anny: hi, yeah .))))

Anny: what ?

Stranger: today I Saw you, your figure is very beautiful and slim !

Anny: Wow, thank you, so Michael if you come from the network I'll kill you :D So tell me where you could see me ?

Stranger: For practice, I would like to see how you were going .

Anny: Mmmm stop you there could not be , we have the entrance to the sports hall only on bandwidth)))

Stranger: it's not as difficult as you think.

Anny: what are you getting at ?

Stranger: Listen to your heart, there is your answer...

Anny: O God, thou speakest in riddles))))))))))))))

Anny: Okay, I went to walk, because today is Friday, hangouts, uuuuuuuuu!!!)

Anny: While :)

Stranger: Not Yet.

Anny came out of network
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 6-Saturday.

Anny online

Stranger: hi, well as Friday ?

Anny: hi, Yes, generally fine, but yesterday when all arrived at the bar, my friend now she went to the toilet and never came back, the time was about 01:00, the phone is still turned off. Damn, I feel so sorry((

Stranger: don't worry, maybe she just went with any handsome ?

Anny: Yes nah, it's not very likely, and besides, the bar was attended by her boyfriend, where there she will flee from him ? Strange how all of this.

Stranger: :D

Anny: What's funny ?

Stranger: no, nothing .

Anny: Tell it like it is, funny I don't see anything !

Stranger came out of network
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day 7-Sunday.

Stranger in the network

Stranger: Good evening beauty.

Anny: How much evening time seen ? Already the night as two hours)

Stranger: For me it's always night,baby.

Anny Imagine: Sveta phone still does not respond, and still,today Max all day tube does not take, damn I don't know what's going on. Me becomes not on itself...

Stranger: are You afraid ?

Anny: Yes

Stranger: Fear , that's fine.

Anny: I honestly did not wonderful, I am in the shower go !?

Stranger: Good

Anny: I

Stranger: And you're very sexy in the shower

Anny: Eeeem ,you can't I could see there ?

Stranger: Yes , I really liked your ass.

Anny: Uh, what are you doing ? Enough joking

Stranger: I liked your hair

Anny: Thank You

Stranger: and your feet

Anny: Dada, I realized, thanks))

Stranger: And your lips

Anny: well enough !!

Stranger: And your ears

Anny: Hey, stop it!!!!!!!!

Stranger: and your nose

Anny: STOP!!!!!!!

Stranger: I really liked your charms, especially your Boobs, I hope I will like the taste !

Anny: YAYA NOW-CALL the POLICE

Stranger: Your friend also tried to do it but she was very sorry ... I like to watch hangs down her body before your donoma I also liked the cut of your gut the guy and push him as beetle passega on the floor at his abrupt wheelbarrow...

Anny: LORD YOU are a MORAL MONSTER , CRAZY........

Stranger: But it's you wonder,beauty ! It is not necessary so to call me.

Anny: CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In the house abruptly the lights went out, fear began to Probert girl in the whole body,including the lantern on the phone she ran to the kitchen and took the knife, then hid behind devantech the knife in his hand on her cheek went tears. She could not believe that my friend and her boyfriend dead. Breaking the glass in the window flew her head battle friend max , Anya barely restrained so as not to scream. Immediately upon hearing a knock at the door, her hands began to tremble even more,but having to run into the room she immediately hid under the bed. On the phone, she dialed the number 02 and quickly informed that her house is haunting killer. In the room, someone came in,beside the bed began to wander around someone's legs,then someone jumped on the bed and began to quietly sing the rhyme " one two three Anna come out"
A few minutes later he walked out of the room and could be heard as he wanders somewhere in the house. The girl quietly started to Wade into the back room, after opening the front door she looked out the window,the tree was hung her friend Sveta, Sveta had their eyes gouged out, hands and knee cups. Looking back whose shade was coming into this room. Opening the window she climbed on the roof and started to get out. After going through the roof, she tripped over a tree branch and went down the pipe down. Running no more than 5 meters it was already in the car,trying to make it looked in the rearview mirror,on the back seat sat an old man with a smiling grin compressing the noose in his hand, Oh shit............

***
Operational investigative data was found three dead bodies in the city of Moscow, the bodies of three young people were mutilated and found in the basement of the house. Detectives were able to find the correspondence Kraevoy Anna yet not known person who is currently wanted. On verification bodily examinations at Kraevoy Anna were dissected breast, cut off ears, nose, hands and feet,stomach intestine was cut out and stuck narutos mouth Anna seized the note, where it says " I told you don't call me Crazy" .